The Best Cunt From Cleethorpes

some years back when i was livin in a caravan like trailer trash (my childish eminem dream came true), i happened to chance upon a very peculiar person. he was uneducated, dyslexic, hot-tempered, hornier than a summer rabbit and cruder than a sailor stranded at sea. and he was also one of the best friends i have ever met in my life in the six short weeks that i've stayed with him in that scarborough caravan.

he hails from great grimsby but lives in cleethorpes (nothin so great about it, in his words) and speaks in a mangled geordie accent. he's got a great sense of humour and loves to dance. he told me he used to dance for gatecrasher parties for money with them glowin bangles. he's probably never met a chinese person or even a non-british person all his life but he had a certain warmth about his simple hedonistic ways. never meant me no harm and never wanted nothin from me. we almost got arrested in scarborough town once but the pigs let us go. he stood up for me each time. he even stood up for me at work, when not enough burgers were bein flipped by "that skinny oriental bloke", he would make up some excuse for me, the most bizarre bein i was fuckin a girl who didn't have money to pay for her meal. how that could be an excuse i will never know. but he was a good friend.

today, i don't know where he is, let alone if he's still alive.

i last saw him when i drove him home from scarborough. we almost died crossin the humber bridge because my j-reg mini was a statistic just waitin to happen. when we reached cleethorpes, his mother cooked me an english breakfast and even let me smoke in the livin room. then i found out it was only because she smokes as well. what a woman. she questioned me about the industrial-sized gifts i brought for her (huge tins of baked-beans, ketchup and chili con carne which i nicked from the workplace italian job style) and it was hillarious tryin to get out of that one. just one of them bean tins could feed a liberian family for a month!

in any case, i spent a couple of minutes today thinkin of this mate of mine and i wish him well wherever he may be.

i leave you with his most memorable line;

Zee: Heyya mate, d'ya reckon we could go down to the beach to catch some crabs?

The Man From Cleethorpes: What you on about? The nightclub is already packed with fanny now, you can have all the crabs you want there so just drive, you silly git.

ciao.

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Word Of The Wolf today is lubricious \loo-BRISH-us\,

adjective:

1. Lustful; lewd.
2. Stimulating or appealing to sexual desire or imagination.
3. Having a slippery or smooth quality.

"As I walked into the room I saw the two of them thick in the middle of the act but still as they tried to appear apologetic, they could not hide the lubricious faces of a couple having animal sex."

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Lubricious derives from Latin lubricus, "slippery, smooth."