7 Online Freebies (Issue I)

as a result of recent unprecented online time, i've tracked some verified or verifiable freebies on the internet available to my UK readers. if you find these deals bangin, do leave a comment and i may decide to make this a regular feature on the site. you can thank me by clickin on the google ads or better yet, buy somethin off the amazon links. by the whore of babylon i'm a fuckin sellout i know.

offer 1
the deal: the three next issues of Maxim for £1 + free men's shavin pack
the catch: needs direct debit details and you've gotta cancel it within two weeks of your third issue
the wolf says: superb deal really. the shavin pack is worth over a tenner but i'm oriental so what can one do eh. no bloody use to me is it!

offer 2 (USA) or (UK)
the deal: absolutely no obligations -one issue Reader's Digest totally free of charge
the catch: it's one-time, one-off. so even if you give 1000 permutations of your first name, it's only one issue per household.
the wolf says: verified. got my copy yesterday.

offer 3
the deal: five dvd rentals for free
the catch: needs direct debit details and you've gotta cancel it within the 21-day time frame
the wolf says: wonderful deal if you just wanna see the top movies just out without buyin them

offer 4
the deal: two free packs of Kenco Caffè Crema pods (Light Roast and Decaffeinated)
the catch: only one request per household and it expires 16 july (soon!)
the wolf says: i ain't seen mine yet!

offer 5
the deal: this one's a bit of a niche-market interest but here's some fuckin top shelf literature on whitewater raftin, kayakin, bikin and other outdoor adventures in wales for free
the catch: none
the wolf says: if wales was any nearer this wouldda been of great use to me

offer 6
the deal: free magazine by muller
the catch: none
the wolf says: verified. some good literature on healthy livin and healthy eatin plus money-off coupons

offer 7
the deal: some annoyin glowsticks for free
the catch: needs e-mail authentication so they can spam you their bollocks legally till kingdom come
the wolf says: i bet i can flog these off ebay!

ciao.

p/s i am not liable for the subsequent spammin which may happen to your e-mail accounts. sign-up at your own peril.

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Word Of The Wolf today is hermitage \HUHR-muh-tij\,

noun:
1. The habitation of a hermit or group of hermits.
2. A monastery or abbey.
3. A secluded residence; a retreat; a hideaway.
4. [Capitalised] A palace in St. Petersburg, now an art museum.

"From my isolated hermitage I give my readers now the fruits of my excessive internet addiction."

or

"Your oath I will not trust, but go with speed
To some forlorn and naked hermitage,
Remote from all the pleasures of the world."
--Shakespeare, [3]Love's Labour's Lost

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Hermitage is from Old French hermitage, from heremite, "hermit," ultimately from Greek eremites, "dwelling in the desert," from eremia, "desert," from eremos, "solitary; desolate."

The Soundtrack To My Life

due to incessant pressure from the little red ridin hood of nottingham (yes that's you i'm talkin about lisa!) this wolf finally yields and decided to do the music meme. she never gives up, this woman! i'm doin it my way though. so here are 21 tracks that efffectively represent periods in the life of this wolf.

1. johnny cash - hurt
2. bon jovi - always
3. queen - we are the champions

4. no doubt - don't speak
5. tupac shakur - life goes on
6. oasis - don't look back in anger

7. eminem - lose yourself
8. offspring - self-esteem
9. the beatles - let it be

10. metallica - nothing else matters
11. aerosmith - crazy
12. carl orff - o fortuna - carmina burana

13. sheena easton - morning train
14. queen - bohemian rhapsody
15. mariah carey - without you

16. unknown - o happy day
17. unknown - my jesus, my saviour
18. gerry & the pacemakers - you'll never walk alone

19. don mclean - american pie
20. bryan adams - summer of '69
21. sarah mclachlan - last dance

ciao.
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Wisdom Of The Wolf today is

"...mama oh/ didn't mean to make you cry/
if i'm not back again this time tomorrow/
carry on, carry on/
as if nothing really matters..."

-Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen (1975)
from the random genius that is Freddy Mercury

I Fight The Weather II

"You call this a storm!!?!??!"

-yorkshire winter 2005, in memory of colder days

*the model did not die from a bolt of lightnin

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Word Of The Wolf today is vituperation \vy-too-puh-RAY-shuhn, -tyoo-\,

noun:

1.The act or an instance of speaking abusively to or about.

2.Sustained and severely abusive language.

"Those freezing months forced the devil in him to brandish a repertoire of vituperation to the Lord even, as he pointed skywards to challenge God."

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Vituperation comes from Latin vituperatio, from the past participle of vituperare, "to blame," from vitium, "a fault" + parare, "to prepare." The verb form is vituperate; the related adjective is vituperative. One who vituperates is a vituperator.

The Haunting (1963)

over the next few weeks, i'll write reviews of the top 11 horror movies in no particular order and cheekily insert some amazon links too, considerin the site has gotten the green light for the affiliate programme. make no mistake fellas, this is MY list and the wolf does not watch scream nor gruntin zombies, nor the rest of them pseudo-scary thrillers which do well at the box-office because of an a-list hollywood cast and funky CGI. we're talkin sharp story-tellin, good pace, appropriate texture and well-shot films which suggest the fear, not bleedin poke it in your face and go "boo, i'm scary! be scared now! hello? leave the popcorn for a while will you?".

it must be a sign of the times, that most of the world have to suffer appallin remakes before ever watchin the originals. havin first seen that horrible 1999 thrash remake with catherine zeta-jones and owen wilson, i condemn that even more now after seein this.

this is definitely one of the scariest movies that i know. nothin explicitly supernatural is shown, which is just the way i like it. it's black and white with some amazingly beautiful wide angle shots. you can always tell a well-made movie if each frame could be made into a paintin. screenplay aside, the film has a great cast and the story dwells on the psychology of the troubled woman and narratives through the voice in her head.

synopsis: a haunted house is investigated by an enthusiastic professor, helped by a poncy skeptical lad and two other lasses. one of the lasses will prove to be the key to the story.

cast: this dude richard johnson with the tache is really good and the problematic lass is played convincingly by julie harris but my eyes were fixated on claire bloom. damn it why don't 60's chicks exist today. just look at her here. there's a beast in this woman, you can just tell.

most memorable line: when that fuckin succubus of a housekeeper said "No one could. No one lives any nearer than town. No one will come any nearer than that. In the night. In the dark." fuck those eyes.

best scene: well i won't spoil it for you then, but one scene was with a bendin door and the other wonderful scene is when she's standin at the balcony lookin up when suddenly... aha well get the dvd.

wolf trivia: this was based on a best-sellin novel. also, i noticed that there's a line in which the professor says "look, i know the supernatural is something that isn't supposed to happen but it does happen." i remember now that this is the openin for a white zombie song.

paws up: excellent actin, wonderful screenplay, correct pace and very engagin.

paws down: perhaps the characters could be more fully-written, especially the young man. and well i wouldn't half mind it if theo was a bit more scantily-clad.

wolf rating: 7/10

ciao.

p/s now is the time to flood me with your suggestions before i make the 11.
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Word Of The Wolf today is supernatural

adjective.
1. Of or relating to existence outside the natural world.
2. Attributed to a power that seems to violate or go beyond natural forces.
3. Of or relating to a deity.
4. Of or relating to the immediate exercise of divine power; miraculous.
5. Of or relating to the miraculous.

"When people believed the earth was flat, the idea of a round world scared them silly. Then they found out how the round world works. It's the same with the world of the supernatural. Until we know how it works, we'll continue to carry around this unnecessary burden of fear."

-Dr. John Markway in The Haunting (1963) directed by Robert Wise

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[Middle English, from Old French, from Latin super + naturalis, from natura, nature.]

A Rather Fun Filler

"Pick a band/artist now answer the questions using ONLY song titles from the chosen band/artists…add your answers and repost…let’s see all the different bands and songs…get creative and have fun!"

1. artist choice:
Bon Jovi

2. are you a male or female:
Ride Cowboy Ride

3. describe yourself:
I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

4. how do you feel about yourself:
Someday I'll Be Saturday Night or Something For The Pain

5. describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend:
You Give Love A Bad Name or Hearts Breakin' Even

6. describe your current boyfriend/girlfriend:
One Wild Night, Living In Sin or Lay Your Hands On Me

7. describe your current location:
Livin' On A Prayer

8. describe where you want to be:
Midnight In Chelsea or Santa Fe

9. your best friend is:
Wanted Dead Or Alive or Ugly

10. your favorite colour:
Blaze Of Glory (?)

11. what’s the weather like:
Hey God

12. if your life was a television show what would it be called:
Blame It On The Love Of Rock & Roll

13. what is life to you:
It's My Life

14. what is the best advice you have to give:
Keep The Faith

15. if you could change your name what would you change it to:
Bad Medicine

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Wisdom Of The Wolf today is

"...well I'm so far away that each step that I take is on my way home/
a king's ransom in dimes I'd give each night to see through this payphone..."

-Bed Of Roses (from Keep The Faith, 1992) Bon Jovi

7 Reasons To Watch Women's Football

i've always enjoyed the women's game. it's a damned shame the professional league in the states is still relatively new and this interest in the sport is only still developing. i decided then, as a tribute to the english team who agonisingly crashed out of euro 2005 to the norwegians yesterday, to write this entry. can you believe that they only needed to score one goal to go from last in the group to winners of the group?



1. more real
a well-known manager in the men's game once frustratingly said "i can't talk to them, who can talk to eleven millionaires?". bang on point he made. professionals are professionals -they get paid obscene money just to warm the bench if they're not playin. if you lose the champions league this year, there'll always be next season. the women's game however is littered with girls who ain't professionals. karen carney, england's 17-year-old upstart was revisin for her a-levels hours before she scored that baggio-type goal against finland the other day (this lass speaks like steven gerrard, plays like steven gerrard and even shares the shirt number, i realised). not every player is michelle akers. some of the players from the developin countries must be no more than workin-class factory helpers in the textile industry. a bit like redbridge and dagenham except they're women eh.

2. more emotion
it's no surprise then that the women's game is much feistier. non-professionals will tend to always take things personally. the intensity is just lovely to watch as long as it is refereed well. every women's match is like a men's cup final. they tackle as if they'd never play again. i remembered that there were many tough mamasitas in the brazillian 2003 wc team. they screamed portuguese profanities to the referee, the opposition, the crowd and even amongst themselves. there were always malice in the tackles. lotsa snarlin and scratchin. everthin is personal. this is how football should be played, to a certain extent. which men's game was that when the two teams played out the last 5 minutes without a single meaningful pass because they knew they qualified through news from the other ground? that was a farce. someone remind me -italy was in it, right? the commentator was disgusted.

3. more theatrics
a necessary corollary of bein more emotional is bein more theatrical. who can forget brandi chastain's sports bra goal celebration when she scored that winnin penalty in world cup 99? (by the way, guess what i stumbled upon -brandi chastain's blog! she's writin here about how ecstatic she was when youri djourkaeff asked her for a kickabout) anyway, back to the theatrics (not a sarcy dig) i'd like to say that seein unbridled passion is just terrific for anyone who's hardened by too much professional men's football on tv. the other day england played finland and they led 2-0 for most of the match until the finns equalised with only injury time to go. carney went berserk when she scored to win it and ran to the camera shoutin "fuckin hell! fuckin hell! take that! take that!". now that's what i call heart.

4. spectacular goals
there's a reason for this -women goalkeepers suck. without goin into all that men are from mars, women are from venus bollocks, i'd like to objectively assert that women do have a generally poorer spatial cognition compared to men. judgin distance is not somethin women are fantastic for. men probably do it better (read maps, throw darts etc) because of neanderthal requirements for successful huntin. anyway, women generally suck at judgin distance and therefore women goalies are significantly poorer than men goalies. result -spectacular goals! in any single international tournament involvin women you could see at least ten 30-yarders which make the keeper flap at it before sailin gloriously into goal. it doesn't need to be a pile-driver volley, it could just be a casual chip. gets them everytime. wotta goal!

5. errrr... the girls?
hey what can i say? for the wolf, football and girls on the same channel is a match made in heaven. most of the players in the ongoin euro2005 for example, are younger than 24. also, not all of them look butch. this is a common misconception. the swedish forward who put england out today is paris hilton with character and a ponytail. while everyone knows about mia hamm, i'm tellin you fellas, you should really check out some of the girls in the past world cup italian teams. in the current england squad, i'd recommend the 18-year-old alex scott to my mate bob who's a sucker for cute faces. i like big fleshy girls so i'll have to go with rachel unitt but only because faye white and kelly smith are less feminine than i'd appreciate.

6. the mad skills
perhaps this is goin to sound sexist no matter how i word it but women footballers make me feel ashamed of my own abilities in the game. god they are so good. in my own conceited pride, i'd allow a woman to be cleverer than me, richer than me, taller than me and just about anythin else but when a woman plays football better than me, i'd feel that i'm the most useless fuckwit in the world. i've had the privilege of watchin a few truly great players by any standards. here i'd single out mia hamm, brigitte prinz (current world player of the year), faye white (england captain and arsenal centre-back, compared to roy keane), kelly smith (think vieri with the dribblin skills of zidane) and that chinese striker which i forgot what her name was. i've had not seen that young french forward pichon yet nor that brazillian speed demon that's so famous. nic once told me that the most decorated women footballer in the world, michelle akers, stayed in malaysia for a bit. wished i met her. could've taught me a thing or two. like how to do that rachel yankey flick i saw today.

7. hey, it's football
if you're a true fan of the beautiful game, you'd appreciate it at every level. besides, it gives me an excuse to write this;


rachel, queen of england
braver than the lion on your chest
rachel, pride of everton
we all admit that you're the best
with a left foot made in heaven,
and a smile that brightens up my world,
you're the england number three,
number one to you and me,
you're the one and only rachel girl
rachel!

(sung to the tune of Psycho -a tribute to nottingham and england's number 3 leftback)

ciao.

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Word Of The Wolf today is artifice \AR-tuh-fis\,

noun:
1. Cleverness, skill, ingenuity, inventiveness.
2. An artful trick or strategem.
3. Trickery, craftiness, insincere or deceptive behaviour.

"In those last seconds when every English pass found only Finnish feet, Karen Carney got the ball from 30 yards out and turned brilliantly away from a defender to feed Eniola Anuko who still missed but Carney was at hand with a piece of sublime artifice to chip home the rebound high into the net. The scoreboard read England 3 Finland 2."

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Artifice comes from artificium, from artifex, artific-, "artificer, craftsman," from Latin ars, art-, "art" + facere, "to make." It is related to artificial.

Reali-TV: A Degenerate Culture

1. Bad Terminology
the pun itself is pathetic and reality tv is an oxymoron. there's no such thing. a hippo filmed underwater on animal planet is real. people bein "punked" on candid camera are still somewhat real. people on some fuckin tropical island doin some crazy mental shit are not real. one hot babe on a ranch full of gay men after her money is not real. splittin the cash after takin her for a ride is not real either (but it's fuckin gay though). playin it straight is anythin but straight. it's more bent than all those fudge-packers put together.

2. Little or No Educational Value
with the exception of a few like survivor and the apprentice which at least shed light on the difficulties of livin in nature and the competitivenes of commerce (alan sugar -what a mouth!), the bulk of the thrash is exactly that. big brother is the most guilty. for love or for money is daft as a brush. perfect camera angles for crocodile tears and beauty pageant rhetorics teach nothin, it insults intelligence. the contender is totally outrageous if you understand the technicality of the sport beyond the beauty of the mysteriously dramatic, clean and impeccable blows exchanged in live technicolur glory for all to see. fear factor passes the wolf test -it doesn't pretend at all -we're all here for the money so let's get the damned flags/jump the damned plane/eat the damned insect already. simple as, end of. sure, they pick only big-titted birds but at least people learnt about giant madagascan roaches eh. tv is showbusiness -accepted. however, let's try to keep it real.

(p/s talent reality tv shows like pop idol are exempt from blame because singin is generally worthwhile entertainment.)

3. Idleness or Sloth
one of the seven deadly sins. in the words of a famous comedian -what the fuck is up with a bunch of people sittin around in a house watchin a bunch of people sittin around in a house?the sin manifests further -you go down to the local pub and you're wonderin what the lads are gonna have to say about the dutch and french "no" vote to the EU membership referendum, or maybe how west ham scored that winnin goal to gain promotion back into the top flight but fat chance -it's actually "hey fellas ladbrokes just halved the odds for Mr A shaggin Ms B on big brother." wtf. wtf.

4. Hogs TV Time
reality tv has taken over the world. you cannot switch on the tube without seein one on. more and more good films are bein pushed towards unearthly hours of screen time to satiate the incomprehensible appetite for utter rubbish. what next? out this summer! star whores -a reality tv show about reformed prostitutes tryin to make a name in legit showbusiness. comin soon to a tv near you! revenge of the sikh -a reality tv show about the punjabi community in india fightin discrimination in a hindu country. i can't fuckin wait.

5. False Pretenses
because of reality tv, people can now tune in to for love or for money and say "i'm watchin this because it explores the intricacies of human behaviour" or "to examine the sociology of courtship and motivations thereof". it's tits okay, tits! say it -tits! that's the best part, admit it. i admit it. i don't pretend to be enjoyin the wonderful settin. i don't go "my my, that's the new johnson suisse luxury bath they're makin out in". when it's on and i happen to be watchin it, that's the only thing i enjoy -the skin. and perhaps the amazingly mind-bendin conversations which beggar belief -"i really like you, you're so sensitive, warm, funny and [insert conventional generic compliment here] but i'm goin to have to ask you to leave". this shit is funnier than two ronnies!

6. Domestic Disputes
well this one might not apply to all of you but marina would rather watch big brother than match of the day so it ticks me right off.

7. Potentially Harmful Content
i read today that soon to invade our airtime is spirituality shopper, a reality tv show which shows non-religious people bein subjected to buddhist meditations, christian lenten orservances and jewish kosher meals just to highlight how they seek spiritual fulfilment. i join the clergy in echoin the dangers of this -it trivialises religion. hey man i'm never one to protest wildly at religious digs and jesus jokes but here is a consumerist approach to faith for the sole purpose of entertainment. there is somethin seriously wrong with this. for those who have no callin, perhaps they should seek answers, not fuckin shop for it.

ciao.

p/s i've been guilty of gawkin on reality tv but i never know when a programme is on, i never know their names (this includes that annoyin man-gina who won big brother previously) and i never last five minutes on them without switchin channels. so i'm not guilty of makin this disease so wildly popular before you start flamin me with pot-callin-kettle-black accusations.

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Word Of The Wolf today is hoi polloi \hoi-puh-LOI\,

noun:
The common people generally; the masses.

"While Pope Benedict XVI staged yet another attack last week by condemning research on IVF treatment, a move seen as Vatican power challenging Italian government, the hoi polloi sit unmoved in their houses obliviously watching reality TV shows."

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Hoi polloi is Greek for "the many."

Usage: Some argue that the definite article ("the") should not be used in front of "hoi polloi," as hoi means "the" in Greek. However, "the hoi polloi" has been used since the earliest recorded instances of the term in English and is considered correct by most authorities.

But I Wanted Wolverine!

ah fuck it. i'll never get a cool character.

ciao.

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Word Of The Wolf today is odium \OH-dee-uhm\,

noun:
1. Intense hatred or dislike; loathing; abhorrence.
2. The state or fact of being intensely hated as the result of some despicable action.
3. Disgrace or discredit attaching to something hated or repugnant.

"Although we often attach damning odium to gypsies, pirates, whores and other outcasts of society, it is useful to remember that they're self-sufficient citizens and they're people too."

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Odium comes from the Latin odium, "hatred," from odisse, "to hate."